Bring it on 2018!

Normally I am not about the ‘new year, new me‘ bullshit because I don’t think you need to wait until January 1 rolls around to make whatever changes your life or your mindset might require. This year, though, I’m going with it. I’m softening my ‘this is how things have to be‘ mentality and attempting going to roll with what is thrown at me. Relinquishing control is about as uncomfortable to me as getting a cavity filled. Not knowing what is around the corner or how something in particular is going to turn out sends my anxiety levels through the roof. I love order and organization and I do not like being caught off-guard. The last half of last year gave me a run for my money and my sanity. I cried more this Fall than I probably had my entire life combined. I questioned God’s plans more than I care to admit. I spiraled deep into dark thoughts. But then something changed; a shift in what I thought I wanted and how I thought I should be doing things. Support this year came from people I didn’t even know existed when 2017 began. It’s been kind of insane but also kind of amazing to see who steps into roles in your life that you didn’t even know you needed. Everything happens for a reason, I’ve always been a believer of that, but I can’t help but question why sometimes {both in the very bad situations and in the very, very good ones}. Accepting that it is normal to have bad days and even more normal to need help hasn’t been easy for me to grasp but the more I’ve done so the more it’s become natural.

Instead of setting ‘New Year’s Resolutions’ this year, I’m giving myself 3 mantras. Three things that will hopefully encapsulate every aspect of my daily life and in return make 2018 one of the most positives years yet. I’m writing these everywhere. Publicly on the blog, on my bathroom mirror, in my planner, on a sticky note for my car…the more I remind myself of the direction I need, the more I can make sure it is manifested consistently:

  1. It’s OK to put myself first // If I’m not happy, how can I help anyone else around me? If I don’t want to do something, there is not wrong with saying no. Standing up for myself has to be a priority and I am going to stop worrying about saying no. I’m learning that it’s not selfish to put me and my needs/wants first more often than not. Neglecting my goals or what I want can almost be more detrimental than doing something to please another.
  2. It’s totally fine to not always be totally fine // Everyone has struggles, everyone has pain. Painting a picture of perfection is a waste. Unfortunately I’m someone who DOES NOT hide their emotions or feelings well. You can read my thoughts based on my facial expressions almost instantly. Putting on a fake smile doesn’t hide the hurt inside so why bother faking anything in the first place? When I’m not fine and I need help, I’m going to ask for it this year. Something that I already know I’m going to fight myself on but putting it out in the world forces me to focus heavily on doing so.
  3. What’s out of my control is just that // That saying ‘don’t cry over spilled milk’ has been on my mind. I know it’s cheesy but once it’s spilled, you have to clean it up and move on. You can’t just put it back. So what I can’t control, I need to just let go. Worrying about what is to come isn’t going to change anything so focusing on the now and living in the present is exactly where I need to be. That same philosophy I’m applying to others around me. I cannot control their behavior, their likes or dislikes, or the way they react to things so reminding myself that I’m only responsible for my actions and attitude is all I can do.

I’m starting off this Monday and this year with a mix of emotions and a roller coaster of thoughts. I’m excited and nervous and unsure and determined but more than anything:Β I am ready. My time is going to be fully dedicated to growing the blog, becoming both physically and mentally stronger, cultivating and deepening relationships, building and designing my dream home and being a better version of myself. While the future is out of my control, I’m going to embrace every moment of the present and exercise gratitude like I never have before. So like I said, bring it on 2018! xox